Thursday, December 25, 2008
Forget it.. she never understands.. never will she ever look on my good points.. the freakin improvements that i have.. the attempts that i make.. she just picks on all the negative parts.. never seeing that i've actually tried my hardest and everything.. i'm never acknowledged for watever ive tried and done.. never praised for the minor achievments that i might have.. i'm never the perfect child.. ther perfect daughter.. always having defaults here and there.. man-made problems that appear along the way and even if there's a small repair or upgrade.. it's unnoticed..
i admit that i'm wrong and i've done wrong before.. sorry i can't be that perfect daughter like yiwen.. sorry i can't be that perfect child like the rest of my siblings. sorry that i have so much defaults that it is more than the ther rest of them added up.. sorry that i'm just not perfect enough for u..
but does all this earn me the fact that i'm invisible to u? no matter how ruined i am or how idiotic or stupid or ass a daughter i am.. i am still ur daughter and for once can u at least consider my feelings? for once in my past 15 years of life? often am i blamed for not considering ur feelings and that i admit and i'm sorry but it's not like i always dun care about ur feelings or anything.. i cancelled all my outings just because i promised to have dinner with u.. even didn't go for church.. i cried like mad in china just coz i'm worried bout u and sis.. i can rush home half way through cca just coz i'm worried u can't settle wit aunt..
ya all these are minor to whatever u've done.. i noe.. but can u at least sometimes acknowledge the fact that i've tried.. can u at least sometimes think about how i feel at least? even for once i'll be happy.. even just pne percent of the care and concern u give to the rest i'll be contented.. i may sound like an attention-seeking child but if u need to me act like sis just to gain attention from u.. acknowledgement from u.. i will.. but if that brings u all those tears and worries that u have never shed for me.. then do u think i will still try?
am i that unworthy to be your daughter? that it makes me totally invisible to u when i'm placed beside my siblings? sorry i just can't be as perfect as the rest of them.. i'm not the wonderful all-rounded, good thinking and intelligent one.. sorry that i saw that coming so late.. sorry that i've never ever thought about how u felt of me.. how lousy a daughter i am..
u should have just removed me while i was still unborn and unknown of all these feelings.. at least u could have felt better.. maybe u could even have a chance of getting that perfect child u want..
it might have been the wisest decision you will make..
sorry i'm not worthy enough to be ur daughter
i flew away@ 9:37:00 PM